Its True

Life is better lived than written about...

Wisdom is better written than forgotten...

a bRush w/ FutiLity

I just watered my grass...

Its so nice to have a yard in the big city...

Sometimes i run my hands through it and wonder if i'll still have it when i'm old...

I think i'll trim it this sunday...

Yesterday was the last yesterday i'll have until tomorrow...

I broke...

Don't take your teeth for granted...

a shark and his teeth are soon parted...

a vampire and his teeth are retarded...

suck it twilight fans...

The sky is blue today and so is my towel...

thats really all they have in common...

I prefer the consistency of my towel to the sky...

there is a good chance it'll be gray when today is yesterday and then my towel will most
likely spend the better part of the morning rejoicing in its uniqueness...

now its off to hug sons and daughters and have a talk with our Father...

blessing of every kind...

-James

Love Drunk... (an average day)

I'm sitting here in my underwear and a shirt that reminds me of good times...

its sun stained and the memory my tan washed down the drain this morning...

I wrote a book that no one read and after read a book who authors dead...

I pushed hard against the floor... its no different for the encounter...

but I guess what doesn't kill me will only make breakfast longer...

I eight half this many eggs...

shut my eyes for a quarter 'fore one hole in my day i'll never get back...

Nimbus clouds gathering outside my widow blot out the sun as they bathe the city that never
sleeps...

but i'm dry the Son's bursting from my insides and producing true joy...

a sip of coffee... and a few more words... they tell you nothing...

i'm getting dressed...

goodbye!!

Spirit Escapes Flesh

Living in a big city affords me the opportunity to escape the reality of what i don't have... or do have... it doesn't matter...

My addictions are my new best friends...

These addictions ravage with a sick pleasure my opportunities at sanity, reality...

Time is a killer... because of time i die...

the tick tock of the clock is a death march....

i look back to see former seconds gasping for breath wishing I'd stopped to appreciate them...

But worry hurry... cracks the whip and i march on...

i take three seconds to shed a tear over past seconds wasted...

and as i do these three grimace at the irony of their existence...

High to high is my reality... and i pray for death...

to end this life that doesn't make any sense...

But as I pray my only god is me...

I'm the only one left to fulfill my needs...

so a slit throat here...

an a humiliation of another there...

are all sacrifices I execute for my pleasure...

but my need is still something to which these sacrifices could never measure...

so i sacrifice myself to end my demands...

though i wish to blame another...

im the one with red hands...

CLEAR!! and i feel a jolt...

and my heart beat recaptures my soul...

what the hell!! why didn't i die?!?

I am god... why didn't my body comply?!?

Bang bang!! I guess the bullets missed... my throat shut...

the knife failed to cut...

I'm so angry... I feel... alive...

and worse... a lack of control i cant deny...

so really... what is this all about...

in my own deity I have some doubt...

and thats when I remember my first love...

i've stopped time before...

and seconds...

well i've saved a few...

It was in those seconds I truly had peace...

because those seconds weren't dying as I passed...

but joining to form moments that would echo praise to a King...

they would last...

In these moments of new life begotten...

and mistakes forgotten...

So like the prodigal bloody and broken I come back...

receiving His blood...

Letting it wash my red hands...

and now... every second is redeemed...

and lies aren't demeaned... they're gone...

so this is a note to explain my suicide...

because it is no longer the lie (the lie is I) who lives...

I (the lie) will die...

but Christ in me... the hope of reality...

What's up in NYC #1

Hi ya'll...

This is an update of sorts... a few of you have been asking what is up with me and how New York is coming along...

So i thought i would write a blog about it...

i should start this all by praising God for His faithfulness and love...

The truth is this... if every man were found out to be a liar God would still remain true...

Praise Him for that!!

Ahh!!

it's truly incredible...

As i live this truth out, everyday is no longer an obligation to give my life in service to an Egotistical Deity...

Now everyday is a new opportunity to proclaim the name of my Savior (my only hope)

(this is truly good news)

The facts of my journey are these....

i got here and spent the first couple days putting together furniture from IKEA... By myself...

ha... it was a pretty crazy feeling...

but that was all about to change... the next 3 weeks were a whirlwind of introductions and good times... oh yes...

and not such good times...

i came here to New York to work with the youth in a community of believers that meet in NYC called Morning Star New York... They started meeting right after 9-11-01... and have been growing ever since...

The youth program ri

ght now is this... On friday nights 30 or so kids come by and hang out at the MSNY office building, eat pizza, talk, and play video games...

Before they started the friday nights, Josh, the guy at MSNY i'm working as an intern for, would just hang at a near by Starbucks, invite kids to come have a drink with him, and then share the gospel with them...

While rather unconventional his method seems to have been rather effective as there is now a definable core group of kids who take their faith seriously and are an example to the other kids...

I've already been privileged to connect with a few of the kids and i trust encourage them in their faith like they've encouraged me in mine...

Other than Youth Work i've been connecting with other people at MSNY...

The other youth staff are so great to work with and already feel like family...

i've also gotten the chance to meet and talk with some other photographers, professional and amateur...

i'm excited about the possibilities here in New York for amazing pictures...

i'm hoping to get some other lenses besides the one that came stock on my camera though because my current lens is limiting my possibilities...

So life has been incredible... God has been revealing some things to me about my wrong perceptions of Him and allowing me to step deeper into relationship with His truth... His word... while this was an incredibly hard process for me spiritually there was a certain sense of joy through the whole thing...

One area of concern is my finances... i don't get paid to do this internship... and while I've been searching I've not managed to find a job to entirely sustain me... and as a result am a few hundred dollars short for this next months rent...

when I shared this with the guy I'm interning for he encouraged me to put together a support letter...

So this is it... There is a good chance if you've read this far you actually care for me in one way or another...

So if God is laying it on your heart to support me financially you can send directly to me or email me if you would like to run it through MSNY...

Address:

230 w. 150th st Apt# 5A

New York, NY 10039

Email:

jimmyfrey26@gmail.com

i don't want, by asking for money to in any way diminish my need for prayer...

as God has been molding me i've felt your prayers being used to give me the streangth to endure...

Live in Father God's grace and peace,

much love,

James

hello...

failure is my new thing...

its what i excell at...

my one success is my amazing ability to fail really well...

thanks to God who makes it all possible...

more to come once I pull my head out...

Garbage Without Color

This is as true as I can remember...

I'm walking down a street near my home...

When this drunk guy wearing no shirt and super baggy shorts starts yelling at me...

"Are you a man or a woman?" 

"thats right I'm talkin' to you fag!" 

"go change your f**kin' pants! you get those from your little sister?"

"Come over here so I can talk to you faggot!" 

My basic instinct is to turn around and tell him I would rather be dead than live the piece of trash life he lives and that I'd have sex with a man before i'd f**k his sister...

But I don't because that in no way would reflect who I am... Or would it....

its in this moment I realize I'm one step away from who he's allowed himself to become...

It's only the grace of God that keeps me from acting out on the foolishness that runs through my stupid little head...

I also allow myself a moment to revel in the humor of the bigotry... 

Ah hahaha... 

Thats better... maybe soon even the response in my head to that foolishness will be 

"Jesus loves you"