Spirit Escapes Flesh

Living in a big city affords me the opportunity to escape the reality of what i don't have... or do have... it doesn't matter...

My addictions are my new best friends...

These addictions ravage with a sick pleasure my opportunities at sanity, reality...

Time is a killer... because of time i die...

the tick tock of the clock is a death march....

i look back to see former seconds gasping for breath wishing I'd stopped to appreciate them...

But worry hurry... cracks the whip and i march on...

i take three seconds to shed a tear over past seconds wasted...

and as i do these three grimace at the irony of their existence...

High to high is my reality... and i pray for death...

to end this life that doesn't make any sense...

But as I pray my only god is me...

I'm the only one left to fulfill my needs...

so a slit throat here...

an a humiliation of another there...

are all sacrifices I execute for my pleasure...

but my need is still something to which these sacrifices could never measure...

so i sacrifice myself to end my demands...

though i wish to blame another...

im the one with red hands...

CLEAR!! and i feel a jolt...

and my heart beat recaptures my soul...

what the hell!! why didn't i die?!?

I am god... why didn't my body comply?!?

Bang bang!! I guess the bullets missed... my throat shut...

the knife failed to cut...

I'm so angry... I feel... alive...

and worse... a lack of control i cant deny...

so really... what is this all about...

in my own deity I have some doubt...

and thats when I remember my first love...

i've stopped time before...

and seconds...

well i've saved a few...

It was in those seconds I truly had peace...

because those seconds weren't dying as I passed...

but joining to form moments that would echo praise to a King...

they would last...

In these moments of new life begotten...

and mistakes forgotten...

So like the prodigal bloody and broken I come back...

receiving His blood...

Letting it wash my red hands...

and now... every second is redeemed...

and lies aren't demeaned... they're gone...

so this is a note to explain my suicide...

because it is no longer the lie (the lie is I) who lives...

I (the lie) will die...

but Christ in me... the hope of reality...