Week One (edit)

When you walked away a part of me died

Instantly the knowledge of words unsaid played over and over in my mind...

For three days I knew only regret...

I told myself it was all in the past...

Screw that...

My heart break is now... My tears are today...

Your placating means nothing... because nothing's ok...

The axis of my worlds been taken out of place...

and now Im out of control spinning into space...

You my friend are a miserable comforter..

Wait, wait, wait, I was wrong...

You were right I've completely taken my eyes off God...

I'm just afraid of whats next... I messed up what if God calls in my debt...

O my God!! Im so scared such a mess...

How could God bless...

Please pray for me... I'm very weak...

Yes my friend I am standing the need...

Life Today

A dirty room...

This has been the living room for the last few days...

"Small children hopelessly sucked into a virtual reality"

haha...

Cold

I don't trust...

I sure as hell don't trust you... 

Nothing you say that you'll do is qualified until it comes to fruition...

O man... you've failed me over and over... 

Only God knows how many tears i've shed over you...

Till I learned how not to hurt any more...

Till i perfected my plastic trust... 

my confidence that you valued like gold but was no more precious than dust...

Now I never try and I never believe... I never laugh and I never need...

I never cry or bleed... Never truly see reality...

its all so I can stand on my own.... When I cant see, I'm alone....

Don't Stay Up This Late

Its 3:30 in the morning...

wow... my evening consisted of a movie, shirt modification, and endless pancakes...

or 5 to be exact... wow... I though i was gonna go to bed at 10:30...

But its ok... im not a victim of my bedtime... I will survive... 

(averytired)

James

Random thoughts about this Blog

So...

life in the last few months... life has been interesting to say the least...

Since ive been back it seems like my life and my perspective has changed drastically...

i feel truly free... i used to feel obligated to so many things so scared that i might do something wrong causing everyone to hate me or "disapprove"... 

It was like in some way their disapproval defined my success... my joy... my outlook on life in general...

But now ive owned the concept that Gods loving me doesnt change and thats what defines me...

so that my outlook on life today...

I would like to use this blog to share some of the pictures i've taken as well...

Ok...

-James

 

This is my first blog... 

its for everyone who reads it and its about whatever I write...

If you're reading this know you're loved...